Okay, so here goes. I'm apparently one of the few who have never felt the overwhelming urge to read this odd web series dubbed Homestuck. The first time I was ever "introduced" to it was when I went to an anime convention last year, and a good portion of the attendees were clad in grey body paint, black T-shirts with zodiac symbols on them, and a wide assortment of horns. Among these oddities was also one strange kid wearing a large blue hood, brandishing a rainbow themed hammer. Personally, I never made the connection that rainbow-hammer-kid had anything to do with the bleak looking horde of our apparent zodiac. I just remembering pondering if his hammer was as heavy as it looked and also for a slight moment what these grey people were supposed to be.
Believe it or not, as a couple of us were sitting off to the side, watching these (which I know now are called) Trolls do a dance off (...it was very entertaining) I remember commenting "I'm willing to bet it's from some web series that we just haven't heard about yet..." oh little did I know...
Within the next couple months, two of my roommates became acquainted with Homestuck and now swear by it. There was practically an all out war between the four of us...almost. Two of us were strictly Red vs Blue fans and refused to read Homestuck because another one of us was strictly Homestuck, but then refused to watch Red vs Blue. Our poor third roommate (who's seen and read both) was caught in the middle of stale-mate. In any case, the whole dilemma is stupid beyond belief because - seriously - when we bitch to the other person about why they won't watch or read the other web series, the same points are always brought up.
"mermermer the fist season of Red vs Blue is really slow...you just need to get past it...then it gets better mermermer."
"mermermer the first act of Homestuck is really slow...you just need to get past it...then it gets better mermermer."
But even though the opposing person has brought up the exact same point that you used only moments before, both of us refuse to budge like stubborn mules away from our placements... *sigh* I could go deeper into these bickering squabbles we always seem to have, but just thinking about it irritates me, so I'm not even going to go there.
Needless to say, I'm one of the hard core Red vs Blue roommates who refused to read Homestuck... yeah, we're not going to delve into this, but anyway, recently I decided to read through Homestuck, which brings me to the real reason why I've started this particular post: to blog about my experiences reading this ever so popular flash comic thing.
I had to admit, by this point, I'm already into the third act. Not because I found it amazing and have read the shit outta it, oh no no, only because just today I had the idea of blogging my reactions...at least I think I'm in the third act...I don't remember, they're all so long.
Anywho, I'll reflect on what I've read so far:
Okay, so we got this kid, and his name is John. Derpy lookin kid. Apparently he turned 13, got some presents, was harassed by some people, stuff happened, shit blew up, there was a nanny-ghost thing, I finally realized the happy green turd-lookin thing on his shirt is the ghost from Ghost Busters....at least I think it is... through a lot of complicated actions, got his hands on some hammer pogo thing, kicked some ass, has been running around like a lunatic.... I do have to say, the fight sequence thing between him and his dad, yeah, that made me chuckle. John's intense hatred for cake or anything made by Betty Crocker (that's probably spelled wrong) sending him into raging fits of waving his arms about and lashing his head around also tends to make me chuckle. The stupid talk about these mother effen card systems tho... I couldn't even tell you if half the words when talking about these freaking systems are fake or not. All I know is that I have no knowledge of them, the explanations make my head hurt, and every freaking person has a different one that needs to be explained to you...please make it stop!
There's this other kid, Rose. John's lack-of-arms didn't faze me much. Rose's lack-of-arms bothered me. Not sure why. She has some "I need to study your mental case" complex about her. Apparently she has the hots for some Dave kid. She looks like she should be goth. She destroys John's house more or less. She fights with her mother (I enjoyed this fight sequence too, oh Gawd, the hallow suicide threat? That killed me a little on the inside, but it was funny nonetheless), she knocks her dead cat outta his resting place so she can connect to the internet, she then TAKES the dead cat and runs off with it... I dunno what to think about Rose. She really hasn't done much rather than destroy John's house and kidnapped her own dead cat... Maybe I just need to give her more time. We'll see.
There's this cool kid named Dave. He, in general, amuses me, but I have to say, I don't exactly follow the whole "things that are ironic are cool" thing... I really don't. According to Dave, a lot of things that are in his house are "ironic" but I would never have thought so unless he labeled it that way...even then I think he should probably re-look up the definition of "ironic" but whatever. Nonetheless, he's amusing, and when his "dolls are badass, man" attitude quickly diminishes into "these dolls are freaking me out, man," ehehehe. Oh yeah, I guess Bro (Dave's brother...or caretaker...or something) has this weird doll fetish. I guess he, like, hosts porn sites based on dolls or something. That disturbs me a little. I suppose... there ARE guys out there... when they have hard times getting with real women...they do resort to unconventional hobbies...such as porn sites for dolls...I guess...let's move on!
The fourth kid, Jade. I've decided she's kinda adorable. To tell you the truth, there really isn't much I can say about her except that she has some weird mind telepathy thing going on, and when she sleeps, a robot version of her runs around, and she has some wolf thing...and her Grandfather, omg, her Grandfather! All the fight sequences of the children and their caretakers have been funny. Pretty sure Jade's killed me when I found out he wasn't even alive XD. I'll admit it, I laughed, I truly did.
Hmmm Wayward Vagabond? Is THAT his name? His initials are WV...anywho, he's adorable. I've decided I like him. He's not exactly the smartest person in the world, but he's cute, and adorable. He makes a "mayor" sash and builds a town made of cans, and some other stuff.
There's also this other guy...he looks kinda like WV, but I can never remember his name. There's already a lot of characters...and I already can't keep them all straight...and I still have 12 Trolls at least that I know will be introduced and will fuck up what I already accomplished of learning who is who. Hrmmm Oh well, I suppose...
Okay, so now that I've caught you up on the first 3 1/2 (I think) acts of my impression of Homestuck, it's time to move onward!
The remainder of Act 3:
Okaaaaay, now I have to try to remember what all happened between earlier and now. These acts are incredibly long TT_TT so...very...long... Did I mention I have no mother effen idea what's going on? I don't think I did. When I first posted earlier today, I failed to express how completely lost I am. I have no idea what's going on. I am dazed and confused, and all this new shit happening all the time is making the matter worse X3X
After watching that final animation for Act 3, I stared at the computer, trying to make sense of everything...but alas, I cannot. From what I hear, things wont make sense anyway for awhile yet...I guess I have a while yet of frustrated confusion *sigh*
So what all happened? Hmm, good question. Lessee...
Rose made herself a trollish friend and by nosy investigation on my part (by dragging one of my roommates to my computer and asking her flat out) I have found out that this particular troll is Kanaya (whom, I vaguely remember) gets shipped very hard core with Rose, for whatever reason. I do suppose, after reading the conversation between the two, they seem a lot alike. They both use large and complex words to almost one-up the other...
Oh, and of course, how could I forget? Dave also had the pleasure of being bothered by a troll. By initiating the same procedure I did earlier, I found this one was Tavros. Now I remember being told that Tavros is supposed to be an awful Troll. Awful as in "he really sucks but he tries so hard" awful. While reading through their conversation, I didn't fully understand this until Dave turned the tables on Tavros and started pulling this whole "we're going to get married" business. I really feel bad for Tavros. I said this once and I'll say it again. The best conversation I've read! Absolutely hilarious. Dave doesn't take any BS and then throws out this, "you can't leave me, we're stuck together now" speech. I almost wish I could print that conversation out and post it in my room so that whenever I feel angry I can just read it and be like "...omg....HAHAHAHAHAHA" cuz it totally would just make my day.
Ah yes, I forgot. This happened before Rose and Dave had their troll encounter, but we also got to see more of WV and the other nameless person. As it turns out, this nameless thing's initials at PM (or something like that) and is, in fact, a girl. News to me. How could you tell? In any case, WV finds PM and hands her some package, then they get shot at by another dude who looks like them as well and whose name I also forgot. I can't even remember the abbreviation. Ugh, these people are multiplying.
Dad also made a brief appearance. I forgot to mention earlier, but he was kidnapped by imps, but kept breaking outta his cell, causing hell, cuz he's cool like that. Well, when we got to see him again, he, once again, broke free from his captives. Upon being attacked, he brandished a random lighter, starting some big wig's hat on fire and then showered the ugly thing (the hat) in shaving cream, then continued by stomping on it. Somehow this won the respect of the big wig imp and Dad was suddenly released.
A person has to admire Dad's spunk. Just outta nowhere he comes flying, with a pipe in his mouth, wearing this awesome hat, coating everything in shaving cream, and caving into his pyro tendencies. I nod my head in approval at this man. He has won my favor. He may live.... was what the big wig imp was probably thinking, as was I.
Act 3-4 Intermission
Oh mother of pearl! What is this? Another story line to follow? MORE CHARACTERS?! I realize throughout the first few acts, I've seen these weird creatures multiple times when the kids surf the internet...but now I have to pay attention?! ...well I don't suppose I HAVE to pay attention, since it is the intermission...I just feel like I should know since it's the main thing going on at the moment.
So we're following this SS guy. Spade Slick or something similar. He's wearing a hat, and he's got that strange bar code on his arm that WV and PM had. Once again, through my creative ways (through skyping my roommate) I have been informed that he's sporting the bar code because he used to be an exile (which is what WV and everyone like him are, as a group, called). Obviously, this doesn't make any sense to me, but what else is new?
Anyway, we then jump over to some stout, bird looking thing in a hat and coat...right, his name is Clubs Deuce... some .2mph chase scene ensues...then we return to Spadey boy. Some dude's head gets bashed in, another dude with a voodoo doll comes out from nowhere (like an alpaca outta nowhere), jump back to Deuce...I just realized, I thought Deuce looked like a bird cuz I thought he had a beak, turns out it's just a triangular shape that his jacket's making. M'bad, apparently I suck at this game. Anyway we jump to Diamonds Droog, jump back to Deuce, find out Deuce has a cane called the "Bull Penis Cane"... hmm about that...thankfully when he realized what he's using, he has the sense to freak out. I would too if I realized I was beating the shit outta someone with something called the "Bull Penis Cane". Then we shift to Hearts B...something or other, by this point I just want the intermission to end. I am just not amused T_T
Although this quote amused me:
"If anyone tried to steal your WAX LIPS, you would eat their eyeballs and deliver an angry lecture into their empty sockets."
I'm slightly intrigued by the comment, but because it's almost 1 AM, my intense need to care is unbelievably low.
Wow...still reading this intermission... off topic, but did anyone notice that when Dave was screwing around with Bro's swords, there was a gunblade in there? Like as in Final Fantasy 8 gunblade? Damn straight, I have now decided that Dave is riding the respect train, along with Dad. I SUPPOSE it should be Bro that I'm respecting...but the smuppets thing... noooooo
Dear effen sea monkeys! It never ends! NEVER! This isn't an intermission! This is a brutal murder! Brutal! Brutal! Murder! This man is out to kill me. He made this intermission especially to kill me on the inside D: That's it, I rage quite! 100 pages left? FML, I'm done. Bed for me!
On that note, I would like to leave you with this last sentence that I read from this intermission.... *ahem*
"Everybody out of the god damn way. You got a hat full of bomb, a fist full of penis, and a head full of empty."
That is all.
Intermission Part 2
I forgot I'm in the middle of the intermission...fml... oh well, as I've been told, this intermission, although we don't want to admit it, is somewhat important and holds some form of relevance to Homestuck T_T Oh well, let us continue..
Okay, so we start off, basically, with Spadsey boy jumping around time. Even so to the point that we get to see Spades as an exile. I only gathered this thought beings that not only was I informed of Spades once being one, but also the spade shaped emblem gracing his exile threads. Logic only assumes that this is Spades as an exile, and that thought is mostly sealed when the exile nods at approval at Spade's hat. Time paradox for the win?...maybe if this intermission wasn't confusing as hell and if I didn't want to bash my head into the desk in desperation, hoping that this whole chapter was just a figment of my imagination.
Some more time paradox stuff goes on, and I continue to stare at the screen thinking "y'know, if Dad showed up here, everyone would be dead...within 3 minutes. Now THAT would be a REAL intermission!" It'd probably also be hilarious. I can just picture Dad with his shaving cream and pipe, creaming these idiots to death, and then making them spontaneously combust with his awesome!
In any case, the majority of the remaining characters are slaughtered in one way or another, even the dudes with the playing card names, except Spades...but he does lose an arm. LUCKILY after that, the intermission ends with us gaping at a picture of a troll with stubby horns and a ghost looking thing with claws hovering over him. Now because of my roommates, I already know who this troll is...but I'll hold off until the comic graces me with the already-known info.
Act 4
Okay, so we're in a place called Land of Wind and Shade, and we start off playing a flash game of sorts as John. This lil game is...entertaining, I suppose. You get to talk to yellow lizard creatures, you get to attack imps, and you get to fuck around with your stupid modus...whatever good that'll bring you. After several minutes of aimless wandering, I just begin to ignore to yellow lizards and make a beeline for all the imps, just to vent out some building frustration. Unluckily, this grandmother sprite creature must have noticed my lack of interest in being social. Some random icon blinks in the corner, and when I click on it, the grandmother sprite informs me (or John) that these "frogs" will play a large roll in his story. ...okay then. I continue to ignore the frogs anyway...but I DO stop to talk briefly to the random frog holding a clown figurine I remember John chucking into a deep abyss earlier in the story. He tries to sell the figurine back to me for an absurd amount of money so John automatically declines. Good boy. In anycase, I'm sure I missed a lot of somewhat important info by not talking to the frogs, but I'm sure I missed even more info after I cut the game short by proceeding to the next page without even figuring out what I was even supposed to do in this short game.
Act 4: Part 2
Alright, so here we are again, reading Homestuck. We're now on Act 4. We've played through the mini game thing, which I guess doesn't have much relevance, except to make it a point exactly what kind of situation John is in. He's in a dark and dreary place with yellow lizards, got it.
You remember that troll I mentioned earlier, whose name I didn't disclose? Yeah, we still haven't been given his name. He popped up briefly though while bugging John. I guess they're friends now...or something. Oh yeah, and then Jade starts to destroy Dave's house... I get a slight feeling of De ja vou? (yeah that's probably spelled wrong)
Afterwords, we are then introduced to the place Rose is hurdled to. This time, instead of the Land of Wind in Shade (where John is currently frolicking though), we find ourselves in a bright but wet place called Land of Light and Rain. Unlike Wind and Shade, this place is very purty, so many pretty colors! Did I mention how she got here? Probably not. I probably didn't even explain how John got to where he is now...to make the explanation simple: John's a special fairy, Rose installs a game, a meteor threatens to blow shit up, Rose (after destroying John's house) helps John create an item, the item saves John (and his house) by throwing him in the Land of Wind and Shade, John climbs down from his house, and is now where we just left him.... The same thing pretty much happened again, but this time Rose in John's place, and Dave taking over Rose's previous role. Now if things work out the way a person would assume, we'll probably see this two more times, because we have two more children to save, correct? I mean, Jade's already ripped the toilet from Dave's bathroom. I think it's safe to say history's gonna repeat itself a couple times yet.
I have to point out again, I think the exiles are adorable <3 Now we have three of them, WV, PM, ...and the third one who's abbreviation I haven't been paying attention to, but he's wrapped in caution tape. By now, they've pretty much settled their differences buuuuut, I almost get a bad feeling about how this could turn out. The two guys seem to be pretty hell-bent on impressing the girl. All in all, it's cute. WV gives her his precious chalk and the other one gives her one of Jade's weird stuffed squid things. *w* I think someone needs to make plushies of these three, because I would probably buy them, and I would put them on my shelf, and my heart would melt with the cute-ness!
Speaking of exiles, we meet a new character called Parcel Mistress who's wandering around in the same place that John's goofing off. She (obviously she must be female, hence her name) is a tall and slender creatures whose similarities to PM are a little unsettling. Because of this, I have concluded that Parcel Mistress IS PM, they are one in the same. (Upon citing my theory to my roommate, I have been informed that I am now thinking like a real Homestucker...uh oh).
In other news, I'm confused as hell. I know, what else is new?
I just need to bring this up quick, because it bothers me. John is fighting monstrous imps, okay? One of them gets shot by an oddly familiar looking gun. We catch a glimpse of the gun owner. Jade's grandfather?! What? I don't even.... Isn't he, like, dead? Ugh, whatever. There is no time LINE in this story. It's more like time squiggly-drawn-by-a-small-child. For all I know, Jade's grandpa is probably Teddy Roosevelt in disguise or something ridiculous (as a matter of fact, if I had to think up of what Homestuck TR would look like, he'd probably look like the grandfather)...As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be half surprised if Troll Moses hopped in long enough to part the Red Sea of Trolling, but then turned out to be human Chuck Norris, whom we thought was dead for years, but actually wasn't, because he's friggin Chuck Norris, man!
Oh yeah! BTW: the third exile's abbreviations are AR! *mental note*
...What Act am I On?... Oh, okay... Act 4, part 3...I guess
Oh glory, beat me with a bat. What IS this? I'm not sure how many panels I've read, but I can tell you I didn't understand anything I read. There's been a couple of trolls freaking out to the kids about shit that doesn't make sense...and the one with the green letters harassed John long enough to laugh a lot and threaten to kill him... right-o.
BUUUUT! I have no idea how far I am into the act, and I'm not exactly finished reading for tonight, but I HAD to update it RIGHT NOW! Sooo we've been following this Parcel Mistress lady every so often. Where I'm at, she just entered some place and walked past a dude with a diamond on his jacket! It's that friggin Diamond dude from that STUPID intermission, isn't it?! Why the FUCK is he wearing cat ears O_o ...
Dear Gawd, they're popping up everywhere! All these weirdos from the intermission! I'm having incredibly gratuitous flash-backs of pain and headaches and head bashing. Painful, PAINFUL memories of terror and shame. MEMORIES of fork eye-gouging and punching of small children! MEMORIES OF...this guys' name is Mr. Noir? What the hell?
Okay so this "dark queen" person reminds me of that 8 chick from the intermission, who reminds me of this fourth exile that appeared only moments before my writing this...and this Noir dude HAS to be the Spades guy... what kinda crap is this? Is it funny to confuse weary minded college students? Awww screw me sideways with a spork.
And then we see proof that PM and Parcel Mistress are one in the same! NOIR GIVES PM HER SWORD! TTwTT I'm such a genius! <-- a THIRD grader could have probably figured out they were the same person, but let me just have this moment!
NOTE* ~ Rose is referred to as The Seer by one of the trolls (She did mean Rose, right?...it was a girl, right? aww fuck if I know)
~ Aaaaaand Dave is called The Knight of Time :\ (In any case, after Tavros's conversation with Rose, I'm starting to find him awkwardly adorable. I mean, c'mon, asking Rose on advice on trolling Dave? You poor creature, you!)
At this moment, I wish to reflect on the many references to Con Air that Homestuck (mostly John) makes. Now, I wish to start this reflection by admitting that I may or may not have seen the entire movie (I know I've at least seen most of it). But as a small child growing up, there was always one line my sisters and I would lyrically song to one another in as deep and gruff a voice as we could muster. This line being "Put da bunneh...in dah box!" Because of this, I enjoy most of John's references to the movie because they mostly revolve around the damn bunny XD So watching John take on the role of the escapee prisoner, reuniting with his lovely wife and daughter (represented in Homestuck as two yellow lizards)... let's just say, it may have made me chuckle somewhat...maybe...and when he gave his "lovely wife" a hug, I may have chuckled again, and then exclaimed "what the hell am I reading?!"
Another mental Note* ~ fourth exile's abbreviations are WQ... what does that even stand for? Don't tell me it stands for "White Queen" to bring equilibrium with the previously introduced "Dark (or Black, I dunno) Queen" ...if that's what it means, I may sob.
And then what the bloody hell? We jump back to the Parcel Mistress and suddenly the Dark Queen's all white and junk...I don't even.. Is she even the same person? OMAIGOD This chick IS the White Queen! THE EXILE IS WHITE QUEEN! ...no wonder her handwriting is perfect...
Gawd, this probably means the Black Queen IS that 8 bitch from the intermission...*heavy sigh*
Then we're introduced to a new land: The Land of Heat and Clockwork. It looks very unpleasant, and somehow Dave is in a tux and to tell you the truth, I'm not sure what I witnessed in that animation. Dave, I guess, does some major ass kicking, which is all the better because he's wearing a mother fuckin white tux. He knows what real badass is...until his sprite shows up with Cal's head? I hope Dave kills that thing, and I hope he does it fast, because it freaks me out, man. And what's with those disk thingies that Dave's whipping outta his ass? What IS that? Some form of conveniencey I suppose...
...So Dave then turns himself into his sprite? Hmmm, I suppose I now suddenly understand many of floating Dave pictures I've been seeing on DA... To tell you the truth, I don't even know how to react to "Davesprite." What I CAN say is that it's waaaay better than the Cal thing...
So I'm going to end my post tonight with this next animation I watched. Again, a lot of shit went down and I'm clueless, but Mr. Jack Noir, HAS to be the damn Spades guy! After ripping off his clown themed clothing, I saw that fucking spade symbol! And that black queen or whatever... You know I don't even know. I'd still assume she was that 8 bitch if I didn't watch Jack attack her and turn into some screwed up bird thing...whatever, this whole thing doesn't make sense. She probably is the 8 bitch. Jack probably is Spades. And I'm ending it here cuz I'm going to double check my theory that Spades was the imp who "let Dad escape" a lot earlier in the series because he destroy the clown hat.
P.S. ~ That imp that I mention...yeah, that was Jack, or Spades, or whatever...I don't even...it's midnight... I just need to go to bed.
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